When you get into a heated argument with your significant other, you have two options: internalize and walk away or communicate the real issue. Involving other people in your relationship is like bringing them all with when you go on dates or hit up the bedroom. Creepy, right?
I get it, sometimes you just want to vent. “Can you believe he didn’t remember where we had our first date?” But there’s a difference between a reoccurring issue and a one-off tiff. I am also guilty of complaining about something annoying my boyfriend does, but I never share an argument or big issue. It’s not because we don’t argue, it’s just because we’re all about working through it together.
Not communicating with your partner and instead running to your friends can drive a big wedge in your relationship. Here’s why:
- You miss opportunities to communicate with your partner about what’s really bothering you. Instead you’re too busy groaning and thinking to yourself about how wrong he is.
- You exaggerate, (don’t worry everyone does). It’s like a game of telephone; every person you tell gets a slightly different version of the story. This creates a gap in your mind and increases the distance to resolution.
- Your friends rally around you, they take your side fortifying you in your “rightness”. You feel so validated in yourself you’re less open to working through the issues.
- You are adding time to length of an argument. By relying on venting to your friends before you resolve an argument, there’s more time to fester.
When you’re upset about something in your relationship, especially a big issue, talk it out with your significant other. Don’t invite more people to your bedroom.
Take your time alone to gather your thoughts or initiate the needed communication during the argument. Make an effort to work things through with your significant other. Don’t allow yourself to wait to get the opinions of others for your relationship.