Chances are if you’re in a toxic relationship, you know it. It’s just hard to let go. You really truly love that person and you’re constantly convincing yourself that it’s not “that bad”. Pulling yourself out of that cloud of denial is the critical first step to getting out of a toxic relationship.
Maybe you’ve come to the realization that you need to let go and move on. Toxic relationships always come to an end, and just like a flame to gasoline, they’re highly perceptible to explosions.
How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship:
1)Recognize it’s Toxic: Ask yourself how you feel after spending time with your significant other, do you feel drained? upset? on edge? Make a list of how you feel in your relationship and any impact it’s having on your life. Maybe he doesn’t make time for you and your constantly rearranging your plans to see him.
2) Distance Yourself from the Relationship: Whether this is a lone trip to the opposite coast or a visit to a friend in another state, take a week away from your partner. It will help you gain clarity and find strength. Breaking off a toxic relationship shows great personal strength.
3) Know Your Worth: It’s possible your partner doesn’t belittle you, but just remember your worth. You are a valuable person and you deserve better. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel like you are never doing things right. You deserve to be in a loving relationship that brings out the best in you.
4) Tell Them it’s Over in a Neutral Location: Meet at a park or coffee shop or somewhere where you know you won’t get talked back into staying with them. Know that it’s ok to break it off via text or phone call if it’s too hard to do it in person. No judgement, do what you feel comfortable with in ending the relationship.
5) Cut Off All Contact: After you tell them it’s over, whether that was in person, phone call or via carrier pigeon, don’t talk to them. This is the hardest part, but you have to stick to it otherwise you’ll slip back into your relationship. This means no social media peeking, block it all off. Block their number from your phone so you won’t be tempted to take calls or texts. And definitely do not keep living with them. This won’t be one of those relationships where you can be “just friends”.
6) Remember All the Bad Things: This sounds harsh, but identifying what made the relationship toxic is a step in moving on. It helps you realize what to look for in the next potential relationship. Making a list of what went wrong will also help you from straying back to this toxic relationship.
7) Surround Yourself with Positive People: It’s likely that several of your friends and family didn’t like your relationship with this person, but they’ve kept tight lipped because they didn’t want to create distance. Now is the time to reach out to your close friends and let them know you need them.
8) Have Something to Look Forward To: This can be a class, a trip or a new location, but it should be something new that you’re excited about. Think about something you always wanted to do but you felt you couldn’t previously. This will help you get through the rough patch.
9) Allow Yourself Time: When any relationship ends you need to allow yourself time to heal and grieve. No one expects you to come out of a breakup unscathed, and you need time to come to find yourself on your own.
If you’re in an abusive relationship you can contact (anonymously) The National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233.