I am not talking about the counting pennies type partnership like that one nightmare couple in Joy Luck Club. This is about how you feel in your relationship not about dividing up pennies. I’m not going to list out ten qualities of unequal partnerships because an unequal relationship to one person might feel perfectly balanced to someone else.
Instead the following are just some questions to ask yourself and think about how the power dynamic is in your relationship.
Having an unbalanced relationship doesn’t immediately mean game over. It just means you need to re-access the power dynamic in your relationship.
1) What do you think about when you get in an argument? If the first thing on your mind when you get in a fight is “I do this and this and you do nothing!” You might want to think about where those thoughts are coming from. There’s always regretful things that are thought or spoken in the heat of an argument, but when you constantly think about the same annoyances, you should think about why.
2) Do you feel like your taking advantage of your partner or your partner’s taking advantage of you? Every relationship journey has ups and downs. Sometimes one person loses their job and tensions can arise, that’s normal. But if your sweetie has been hanging out the couch for months and months and you can’t stand the sight of their leftover coffee mug, it might be time to have a discussion.
3) Do you have enough me time? Everyone is different, but I would be lying if I said I don’t enjoy my 30 minutes on the elliptical or the occasional night in to do some painting and watch a chick flick. Maybe you don’t need that much time on your own, but getting reacquainted with yourself helps keep everything in sync. Less fights, less tension and more love.
4) Do you feel belittled, humiliated or embarrassed by your partner? It sounds a little like the beginning of an domestic abuse infomercial but if this behavior is something you have to endure if eventually weighs on your person. It makes you question your value in the relationship. You should be allies and counterparts. You should feel equal, not less than your partner.
Do you feel like the balance is equal in your partnership?